Shortly after Ernie's cancer diagnosis, life took on different twists and turns as we were swept up into the realm of the medical community with a team of doctors including our general practitioner, a liver surgeon, an oncologist, a cardiologist and an infectious disease doctor. The problems we encountered reminded me of the poem "The Blind Man and The Elephant" as each doctor was well versed in his or her specialty yet none of them seemed to see the picture was a whole, only their particular part.
As days turned into weeks, my frustration grew until I believed that racing off to my own private pity party could be an option in dealing with those frustrations. How quickly I learned that no amount of self pity would benefit me in any way and certainly couldn't benefit Ernie. While I was stuck in the muck and the mire, he was fighting as hard as he could. Besides, it was a huge waste of energy on my part and I needed that energy to attend to him. So after that great epiphany, I removed me, myself and I from the pity party guest list and swore to avoid that gathering altogether.
I do believe it's important for a caregiver to remember that he/she is not sick and to continue healthy activities that will provide physical and spiritual growth from exercise to meditation. When I isolate, refusing to interact with friends, the pity party waits just outside the door. I have a rule of thumb today I didn't have at first. If I don't want to do something, I examine why and usually find that my motives are self serving. A better model for me is to try good selfish activities that give me the strength I need to carry out my job as caregiver. That way I am being of maximum service to myself and to Ernie.
Ugh- I think I'm still at this party. Perhaps it's time to go. Thank you, Pat.
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